It’s Sunday morning. My wife and kids are getting ready to head to church, and I am getting ready to hit the streets in the pursuit of dividends by selling kicks. This is not what is on my mind. As I watch my son make his breakfast and my wife help my daughter get dressed, I think about something: There is something really peculiar about relationship advice.
There are an endless amount of websites, books, television shows and random items that deliver the all important message of how to handle, control, understand, women, men and of course relationships. Daily talk time radio is inundated with “What women want, what men can’t do, what men think women want,” shows. While it makes for entertaining and hilarious radio and television, often the advice comes from professionals and non-professionals who have failed.
It seems to me that if I’m going to listen to relationship advice I am going to go to a source that has been pretty successful at maintaining a relationship. A few years back I was teaching a course and through a bit of in class research we discovered that Black women got married less than any other culture. We also learned that Black marriages failed at a lot higher rate, and that when Black women getting over divorce they are unlikely to remarry. I was listening to a radio show and the conversation that derived from these facts led to a discussion on whether marriage was overrated and that marriage should have an option, open relationships.
Now I’m a guy, and while I understand the idea of open relationships. I also understand the fact that a guy does not have very good control of his sexual proclivites; women fall into this category as well. If a guy can get into some very good sex with women outside of the marriage, he will continue to do so at a rate that can only do one thing, create problems. If a woman can run into a man who makes her shake and cross her legs uncontrollably, while he is on his knees and she is on the bed, and then put in work on the bed, that woman, when not satisfied, will return to that man who satisfies. This also creates a problem.
See, sex is like a bowl of nachos with warm chips. You can dip your chip in, eat it when it’s wet…with salsa, or put it in your mouth… when it’s dry; most importanly you can do this over, and over, and over until you get to the main course. When men and women experience great sex, they want to always experience great sex. Sometimes in short burst and sometimes in longer, sweaty, stanky soak the sheets sessions.
The thing about someone telling and reporting on relationships who has failed at it is that in the end, their suggestions will only cater to their shortcomings and their agendas. Which means it can never truly benefit you. Relationships are about discovery. You can be with someone for 20 years and still discover new ways to make them sing happy music during sex. When a person who has chosen the wrong person, and it’s difficult to gauge who is right, and they break up and it’s a bad break up and then they have a platform to deliver advice, that advice will be slightly tarnished. When someone has had a long serious relationship and they end it, they may be able to give feedback about how a relationship works, but once again it ended.
My relationship advice today is supported by this fact: before I was married I did some pretty interesting things on at least 3 continents, actually 4. I had some really interesting parties while in college, but I got it all out of my system and began to realize that I was finally interested in maintaining a relationship. That relationship became a marraige and during this marriage over 10 years, I have never cheated and I would say that happy music is played pretty often and I don’t mind changing the channel and listening to some 120 beats per minute and sometimes it’s slow jams. The thing is, I’m still learning things and most importantly we still do things that are creative and inspiring (outside of the bedroom which is what matters most). I think that is what makes it interesting. If I was a dude and I wanted to talk about relationships, I’m talking to dudes like me, but then again I don’t have a very big platform. I do have a pretty big music maker though.